…Because Mr. C Never Farts And Never Poops
Mr. C, see, you should be able to entertain my fart okay? It’s a big deal for me to discuss my fart and poop stories with you, because then, you will recognize the depth of my love and how comfy I’ve become.
No! Not at all 👿
The day you say that in my face with that askance look, you instantly cease to be The Real MVP. Don’t you fart? Don’t you poop?
An old occasional friend reacted unrealistically some time ago when the fart and poop discussion came up. So I asked her;
ME: How about the babies? Who’ll clean their bum and change the diapers?
Ms. E: Ew! I don’t know, my hubby will do that. I just can’t stand it… ah! What’s that?!
ME: Really? 🙄
Ms. E: Yeah!
ME: Have you discussed this with your beloved?
Ms. E: Akwele, that was one of the first things we discussed when we started dating. He’s aware.
Me: Oh okay. What if he’s very ill on the toilet seat and needs your assistance?
Ms. E: Hah!
ME: How about he’s pooping and realizes tissue paper is finished?
Ms. E: I don’t know. I guess we’ll sort that out when we get there, but what matters here is he is aware and we’re still here…
Uhm… yeah! 😕
So, Mr C, you know it’s you I’m talking to, right? Next time you call me and ask “what are you doing?”, don’t ‘eww’ me with “too much detail” when I tell you I’m pooping. It’s such a turn off and straightens my face rather quickly.
And no, I’m not weird.