She’s usually… scratch that, it’s me; I am usually levelheaded in cherry-picking the appropriate coquettish words… aptly. You’ll read it as if I’m physically with you. Talk of a good sexting tease with images you need not download. What? Jpeg? Cliché.

Forget about immodesty. Forget about bigheadedness. Everyone finds a level of satisfaction in their strength; unlike most, some of us are pretty much confident about it.

Here is where I let you in:

Prettiness never seemed to evidently embrace me. Yes, I’m talking about the kind of prettiness you’ll take a second look at, but if beauty is only skin deep, I’ll have to admit defeat, graciously. So social media was my domain. With a BA in English Language, MA in Communications and a couple of years travel writing for Coca Cola, I might as well use a few acquired skills to happy myself and hope things would one day manifest beyond my fantasies and scripts to real life events. So I try – I scout for interesting individuals on the virtual platforms. One thing leads to another until they break the code and want so badly to meet up.

1st WEEK:

Pastor KK was my current draw. We’d become friends online and flow quite easily in our conversation. He liked randomness and abstract photos, black and white mostly. We’ll talk about the beauty in nature and for several minutes appreciate a photo either of us had shared in the DM. It was only in the third week he mentioned he was a young pastor in church.

3rd WEEK:

It was tactical staying on schedule, engaging him in what makes him tick, not putting into consideration his pastoral work… yet. At this point, he sends the ‘good morning… hope you slept well’ lines. Salutations are as much illusory humdrum to me, and I do not like routine but there has to be some compromise, right? So yeah.

You see, it’s not a game, it is just uh how do I put this? It’s just uh… exceptional associations with exacting individuals, and it is way better in the DM.

4th WEEK:

I started feeling attached. We had so much in common and we talked a lot; what else does one need to feel attached? It’s common. Generally, it is likely the other party feels that same way or has a similar thought compared to what you have. With KK you need not say – I felt it. I knew it. Perhaps it was strong enough to convict me too.

As if scripted, only that he asked a week too early, the question popped out.

KK: So, is this young clever girl dating?

Naomi: You wouldn’t believe it if she told you.

KK: She can give it a shot

Naomi: At the answer or at your…

KK: Hahahaha!! I… you! You’re something else, you know that

Naomi: Yep

KK: So, is she?

Naomi: If I answer sincerely, it’ll cost you

KK: What will it cost me?

Naomi: No follow up questions, only after 14 days

KK: Deal

Naomi: No

KK: No deal?

Naomi: No. I mean, “No” to the dating questoin.

6th WEEK:

Within a few days, I’d gathered enough info about KK to make him out at any Trotro Station. His weekdays were predictable, his weekends, monotonous.

KK: Church today?

Naomi: Yep

KK: Mine, I mean.

Naomi: Yep. I know

KK: Oh!

Naomi: I know. Beautiful sermon. I’ll be in the first timers’ meeting. I hear you’ll be addressing us.

KK: Yeah, that’s in about 5min.

Naomi: Alright.

KK: Will I see you?

Naomi: Yep. You’ll be addressing us.


Naomi: You’re spoiling the fun.

KK: C’mon, Naomi.

Naomi: Alright then.

KK: So, what are you wearing?

Naomi: Ooouu… Pastor KK!

KK: Hahahaha!!! Oh no, not that.

Naomi: No that? Never mind. Just messing with you.

53min LATER.

KK: I did a horrible job at making you out. Still around?

Naomi: (no reply)

37min LATER

KK: Beginning to wonder if you’re some ghost. Lol. A reply will be highly appreciated at the moment. I’m setting off to drop 2 members. Will return in the next hour. I pray to see you.

17min LATER

KK: Ok. I’m setting off now. These texts aren’t coming off as desperate at all. Ha!


Pastor Fred: Yo! KK. Where you dey catch?

KK: I want throw them for demma hostel then get some cho come.

Pastor Fred: Sure. Sure. I beg, space dey for 2 ladies? My sis den ein roomie. Jean Nelson hostel.

KK: Oh yeah.


KK: So, will you guys like to tell us your names? Just acquaint. Selorm is by me, behind him is Elorm, how about you ladies? Pastor Fred’s sis… you’re Nana Adwoa, right?

Nana Adwoa: Yes, and my roommate is Naomi.

KK swiftly looks into the rear mirror and repeats the name for confirmation. Naomi fixes her eyes on her phone, texting.

Nana Adwoa: Yep. I know, right?! Funny thing, I’m also Naomi.

KK: O! Wow. Hhaahha! Wow, that’s pretty interesting. So, which of you uses Naomi more often?

Nana Adwoa: Well, officially, both of us. O! you just passed our turn.

KK: Yeah, I’ll drop them off at Akuaffo Hall and drop you guys off on my way back. Cool?

Nana Adwoa: Cool.


Nana Adwoa: (to Naomi) Say something eh. Don’t be rude. He’s a pastor.

Naomi: Thanks for the ride, Pastor.

KK: Wait, don’t go just yet. I… (sigh) random question. Did any of you… (Laura recognizes KK from a distance and screams)

Laura: KK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Laura: You don’t visit anymore. I’m an old member now eh?

KK: Oh chale when you say it that way…

Nana Adwoa: (to Naomi) Still getting the chicken wings from Night Market?

Naomi: Yep

Nana Adwoa: I’ll take the lead then.

KK: Leaving?

Nana Adwoa: Yep. But she’s getting something from Night Market

KK: (to Naomi) it’s on my way out. I can give you a ride?

Laura: Ei as if I’m not here. Ok. I’m off. Call me. Promise you’ll call?

KK: Ok. I promise


KK: (breathes out heavily) Naomi?

Naomi: You know, the ride wasn’t part of the plan.

An illuminating smile immediately filled his face. I couldn’t hide my smile either. How could I? He suddenly parks his car and stares right into my eyes!

KK: No you didn’t! Naomi!!! C’mon.

Naomi: For the record, you didn’t come out as desperate at all.

KK: You… You… (sigh)

Naomi: Let’s do this. How about we stick with communicating in the DM? This meeting never happened, and we’re not exchanging numbers.

KK: You knew. This is not fair. Well, admirable, but not fair.

Naomi: (still smiling) What?!

KK: You’re beautiful. Sorry, that was somehow corny. Lunch?

Naomi: A date?

KK: Yes?

Naomi: Yes.